Brian Gongol: October 2007 Archives
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If that's "too boring," then you need to have your eyes checked.
Des Moines Mayor:
- Frank Cownie, who's already mayor, and who (inexplicably) allowed www.cownieformayor.com to lapse
- Diana Newberry, a 34-year-old who previously ran for the governor's office as a member of the preposterous Socialist Workers Party, which it remains difficult to believe still exists. Marc Hansen seems puzzled that no one else signed up for the race. I'm going to remain puzzled why anyone still thinks Fidel Castro is getting things right.
Des Moines City Council At-Large:
- Chris Coleman, who's currently on the council
- Josh Daines
Des Moines City Council Ward 2:
- Bob Mahaffey, currently on the council, runs unopposed
Des Moines City Council Ward 4:
- Brian Meyer, who is currently on the council, is unopposed
West Des Moines City Council At-Large:
West Des Moines City Council Ward 2:
West Des Moines Parks Commission (three open seats):
- Forrest L Ridgway (no website, but he's already on the parks commission)
- Two other seats will be filled by write-in ballots
The list of contested races is short, but we can always hope that people will show up to vote. The more voters participating, the more legitimate the outcome of the vote.
Has any establishment ever had a more appropriate name?
Allow me
to say, first off, that I hope we never get into a shooting war with
Minnesota. Sure, we get our jabs in here and there, but I hope we're
able to keep the rivalry isolated to an annual football match between
the Hawkeyes and the Gophers.
But I have a recurring nightmare that some day, a Canadian prime minister, flush with oil wealth and high on Tim Horton's, will go positively insane and annex the land of 10,000 lakes. Smelling the sweet corn and coveting our butter cow,
it would only be a matter of weeks before the shock troops from
Manitoba would be preparing to use I-35 as a wedge and drive straight
for our dear city. I fear we have been complacent too long along the
northern border of this state, and I just don't have the confidence in
Mason City's defenses that I require.
Thus, as a first step towards fortifying the Des Moines metro area, I demand that our city elders fortify every Tasty Tacos outlet in the region. They can have Saylorville, Sec Taylor Stadium, and the Wells Fargo Arena, but for the love of God, don't let them take our Tasty Tacos.
There are things that earthly reason can understand, like particle physics, the Laffer curve, and even sometimes US tax code. But how a modest restaurant chain from Des Moines can convert flour, water, lettuce, meat, beans, and cheese into a culinary indulgence with an addictive power rivaling crack -- with no methadone-like substitute in sight -- is completely beyond the realm of human understanding. Would that a man like Norman Borlaug could find the secret ingredient inside those blessed tacos, we could put all of our state's resources into synthesizing and duplicating it. Forget ethanol and biodiesel: If only we could make Tasty Tacos our state's #1 export, we could rule the world!
